Power to the People.

So I have to admit it. Even though I am an evil genius, I don't think others are, and I am usually quick to trust them. Especially when they seem so dumb, I just can't imagine they could be thinking of taking advantage.

So, I was watching late night TV and saw an infomercial about John Beck's Free and Clear, Pennies on the Dollar, Real Estate investment system. And I thought to myself, "Self, if I can really buy a bunch of properties for pennies on the dollar, I could amass a great fortune to fund my evil deeds."

Well, of course I wanted to learn more. John Beck seemed like an idiot, but that didn't mean his program couldn't work. Obviously the infomercial is several years old but maybe the actual information they sell is up-to-date. What would this package teach me? Could I be successful with it? Could I just figure it out on my own? Should I buy it? Of course the internet rocks, and within a few minutes I learned much and all my questions were answered.

Right off, I found a bunch of reviews at InfomercialScams.com. 560 complaints! 30 pages! Half of those in the last year. As I was reading through the complaints I realized whomever was running John Beck's program was not only evil, but a genius to boot! Suddenly, I realized that what I needed to learn was not real estate investing, but infomercial scamming.

This company does some great stuff. First off, if you buy the package you are automatically enrolled in a $39.00 a month website that is almost impossible to cancel. Soon thereafter, they get you on a call with a salesman that convinces you of your superior potential as long as you participate in additional training. Then they teach you the value of using someone else's money for your investing (namely your credit card company). As part of that process they have helped you determine your borrowing potential. Lastly, they tell you the price of the training. But here is the great part: the price is dependent on what you can charge on your cards! To expect any value from the program you could pay anywhere from $2500 to $17,000! I am not making this up. I read over 100 complaints, and the price for the training was never the same twice. And the training at best is 10 sessions on the phone at 1/2 hour each, with trainers that may or may not have any idea how things even work in your state.

What a great business model! Even if your profit averaged $5,000 a sucker, if you got 10 of those a day (couldn't be more than 10% putting complaints on that one site) that is $50,000 a day. That is a fair bit more than I could expect if I did the real estate investing myself.

The only trick will be to combat the informational and feedback sites. Maybe I can just get my minions to post thousands of positive testimonials. Perhaps I could just have my hacker-drones change the databases holding the bad reviews. Maybe I don't worry about it, because as every evil genius knows, people are idiots.

Oh wait, I didn't mean power to the people. I meant power to me!

Clones

So, I decided a while back to create a bunch of clones of myself. That way if I am ever destroyed I will still be around. Well, I made thousands and sent them out into the world. The thing is they don't know they are clones of me. That memory has been suppressed. Otherwise they might decide that they were the real me and try to take over. Nothing worse than a clone war. So instead, they just live their own lives and don't know all the great evil they are missing out on.

So, I check up on them once in a while to see how they are doing. And every now and again, I will see one of them on TV, on some news program or PBS documentary. Generally in the background, but unmistakable. I took some pictures of my TV to keep track. Here are a couple of them:



This clone was in Italy. You know that travel show on PBS? Well, this one was all about the churches in Rome. Looks like this clone might be Married. Well, bully for him.




This "me" was part of a group that was waiting for some guy to get out of jail who had been falsely convicted for murder. Apparently they had to wait 7 years or something before DNA proved he wasn't the killer, and when he was finally released, all his friends and family were there to support him. Hm... My clone looks like a bit of a punk though. Maybe he was the real killer.

I will continue to post pictures of my cloners as I find them. Who knows, maybe you will see someone who looks just like me and you will say, "Hey, is that Dr Ominous?" Well, it might be... or it might just be a clone.

Behold my power, before it destroys you.

So, I know what you are thinking. Oh no, not another megalomaniac, bent on destroying the world... Well, I am here you tell you I am not just any-old megalo. Heavens, no! I am a classic super-villain evil genius, and with my BFF (Best Frenemy Forever) D-Structo, the world will not be destroyed, but will become a beautiful utopia... Under our malevolent rule!

In the mean-time, if any of you insects out there wish to join the winning team and become minions for the cause, feel free. Not really any benefits though. No health care, time off, or overtime pay. Later we might have nifty shirts, or mouse pads... or some lucky soul might get their own robot monkey. So I guess you could look forward to that.